Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Why women do not want to get married anymore

I was talking to Kaieteur News’ editors last week about the topic closest to my heart (women’s issues) and Adam Harris turned to me and asked why I thought the institution of marriage is becoming obsolete. I did not have to bat an eye. I know exactly why women do not want to get married anymore and I promised Uncle Adam I would write on it.
The better question to ask is why on earth the women in Guyana would want to get married at all. Too many Guyanese wives are beaten, chopped, burned, shot and murdered by their husbands. Too many wives are treated like slaves and expected to wait on their husband’s hand and foot. Too many of Guyana’s husbands cheat on their wives – sometimes with several other women – and the wife is expected to accept that vile situation. In short, too many wives in Guyana are incessantly subjected to physical, mental and emotional abuse.
As such, it is not surprising that Guyana’s young women are going to school, getting an education and providing for themselves. These women are driven and they are building great lives for themselves.
Why would they introduce a man into the picture who is going to beat them? Why would they subject themselves to sexually transmitted diseases (because the cheater doesn’t like to use condoms) just to have a man around? Why would they get married just so they can be treated like a slave and have one more person to cook and clean for at the end of a long day at work?
Meanwhile, more and more of Guyana’s men are dropping out of school and spending their days drinking rum instead of getting a steady job. Speaking as a woman, this entire situation is highly undesirable – and there are many women who agree with me.
Consequently, women today do not want to be married. Instead they are choosing to take lovers with whom they can have sex and send home the next morning.
Some women are even choosing to have a baby and then raise the child on their own. Sure, this is not a traditional family. However, if a woman wants a baby, but does not want a man around to hit her and the baby, this solves the problem.
A woman can be perfectly happy raising her baby without a father when daddy is more of an impediment to a happy life than an asset. Some may ask, what about the father’s role? My response is this – which is better? To have a father who drinks, beats and cheats as a role model or to have a stable, loving, caring environment without a father? Women are choosing the latter.
I had a young woman whose father keeps pressuring her to get married say to me last week, “Why would I want to get married when so many marriages fail?” Great point. How many men do you know who have traded the wife of their youth for a “new young thing”? This foul lifestyle represents broken families, broken hearts and broken marriage covenants.
What makes the situation in Guyana even more unpalatable is that many of society’s leaders are the primary culprits. The very men who are supposed to set the standard for society are instead the worst role models of how a man should conduct himself.
One of my Kaieteur News colleagues introduced himself to me last week by asking if I am a man-hater. After spending some time with me, I think he now knows I am not. I advocate for women, but not at the expense of men.
I believe we should work together, women and men, for a better world. I know very well there are good men out there because I am married to one. The issue is whether there are enough good men for the women. When there is not, we find the women turning away from the tradition of marriage.
I heard a song this morning that sums up the current state of relationship woes for women when it comes to finding a good man. The song is “Statistics,” by Lyfe Jennings. I do not know if the statistics used in the song are accurate, but I think it comes pretty close.
The song declared, “Twenty-five percent of all men are unstable, twenty-five percent of all men can’t be faithful, thirty percent of them don’t mean what they say, and ten percent of the remaining twenty is gay.” If I am doing my math right, that leaves women with a measly ten percent of men who are marriage material.
And so, Uncle Adam, the answer to your question as to why the institution of marriage is becoming obsolete is because there are so very few men who are marriage material. Moreover, I would posit that the developing rejection of the tradition of marriage by Guyana’s women is a survival technique.
All species develop methods to stay alive in order to preserve their own kind. The clever females of Guyana know they have to protect themselves from the predator most likely to destroy their species – and at this moment in history, that predator happens to be the males from their own species.
Would a mouse sleep in the same bed as a cat? Not if it values its life. Likewise, women who value their lives are choosing not to sleep in the same bed as the foremost predator of Guyana’s women – which is Guyana’s men. Think about it. What other predator is killing off Guyana’s women faster than Guyana’s men? There is no other.
I want to continue on this line of thinking. In my next column I plan to write on how women can expose the men who are not marriage material and what they can do to keep those who are worthy of a lasting, satisfying relationship.

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Simple Steps To Win Back An Ex Girlfriend

Knowing the fact that you wish to make sure you get your girl again is definitely absolutely not enough. Instead of sulking forever and losing almost all your effort thinking about what exactly went wrong, be a man and take some initiative. Show her everything that you tend to be made of and have her back inside your arms one time by means of all these six suave flows.
Very first and foremost, attempt to reconnect the space. Talk about your own inner thoughts or perhaps the issues which concern you both. If perhaps your rapport chosen to fit emphasis about the lady undertaking most of the talking, this is higher moment you began talking as well. The key is to continue to keep the marks of contact available. You can easily complete this by passing along an e-mail, text message, or perhaps calling her. The society these days emphasizes the importance of communication in any kind of approach possible so that certainly, there is no explanation for you never to call her. Your lady might notice that quite amorous in case you delivered her rose bushes with a card or perhaps note that talks about your feelings for her. This might seem cheesy to a few (and also to you), but these gestures are vastly simply by your girl.
Don’t forget the necessary figures, regardless of whether that’s her phone number or perhaps her father’s birthday bash. Women put a remarkable deal of meaning on dates and numbers which have deep meaning to her. If you didn’t remember the girl’s birthday just before, stun her with your own memory on her next birthday. If you won’t be able to recall the day you two legally became a couple, exhaust all means to figure that one finally out. Showing importance to the elements that are representations connected with your relationship implies supplying worth to the exceptional link concerning the two of you. If you get good at all the dates and also numbers important to your partnership, you pretty much might have your girlfriend back.


And for Heaven’s sake, do terrify your girlfriend way by means of becoming a stalker! Talking is beneficial, but hounding her along with cellular calls, even late night ones, might possibly freak her over and trigger her to look at your behavior as despairing or even weird rather than of sincere. Rather potentially scaring her away, devote your own moment improving upon yourself. Never mind the cause pertaining to the break-up or perhaps the particular person that started the disagreement, these are unrestrained causes. What exactly is done is carried out. Rely on the positive issues two of you discuss and improve the characteristics that made you fall in love along with each other in the first place. Throw out the elements that tend to be unfavorable to your romance. A good item or subject or even past memory that usually brings to an assertion when it is brought together is not worth the effort. Get hold of rid of it or perhaps ignore it.


The most necessary matter you can complete is actually to continue to be confident. Positive outlook can easily go a longer approach. However, if you believe that all will be alright, subsequently now there is a great possibility it could be and in the end, if the relationship may not competent to help restored, consider to identify and learn out of your problems.


Gaining your girl to come back and commit again might be difficult, yet somehow it is possible. Generally there are several ways to accomplish this, but the perfect tactic is personal and unique to you and your ex-girlfriend and your situation.


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